Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Tuesday Afternoon Outing

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of making my third trip to the gynecologist (or as Amy likes to say, "the down-there doctor," as she points vaguely towards the lower half of her body) this year. This year has been the Year of the Abnormal Pap. And, yes, it has been as fun as it sounds.

Yesterday they did a colposcopy. Now, if you go to the posted link and read through the article, you will notice it says they may do a biopsy if some of the cells seem irregular. Somehow, I seemed to have blocked that out. Biopsy? Who, me? No, no.. they are just going to look at the cells. No big deal!

So, the doctor is "down there" looking through a gigantic microscope. She calmly informs me that I will need to stop flinching, because it looks rather like an earthquake when I do. "You wouldn't want me to get motion sickness down here, would you?" she quips. Uh, look lady, all due respect but I don't want you down there at all! And if you don't stop being so chipper, I am libel to kick you in the head.

Then she says, "Okay, honey, for me to really see what is going on, I am going to have to pop your cervix up a bit."

I am SORRY??? You are going to do what? Pop my cervix up. Uh huh. Sounds lovely. Will you buy me dinner afterward? By the way, the popping of the cervix... doesn't feel so hot.

As if the giant microscope and the popping cervix weren't enough for one day, she informed me that she couldn't really tell if the cells were abnormal at all. So, yeah, the biopsy I blocked out of my mind. Uh huh.

"Alright," she says, "you are just going to feel a little prick on your cervix."

I will leave you with that folks. A little prick on your cervix. Who could ask for more on a Tuesday afternoon?

7 Comments:

Blogger Amy said...

Between "pop your cervix" and "little prick" I feel a hip hop hit in the making...

2:33 PM  
Anonymous Rachael said...

My cervix hurts just reading that!

2:48 PM  
Blogger Miss Kris said...

I sorry, sweetie. Having a colposcopy done is no fun at all :(

7:29 PM  
Blogger betsy said...

makes me cringe just thinking about it.

although, "pop my cervix up" does add a little fun to the story (at least from the not-actually-in-the-chair perspective). like its a new euphemism for 3rd base. hee :)

11:36 AM  
Blogger Sara Roboubi said...

Oh the joys of "the down-there doctor". I think the fact that someone was down there bothered me more than the fact that I was pushing a 9 lb, 4 oz baby out hehe!

12:23 PM  
Blogger Trista said...

I can't believe she said you'd feel a little prick on your cervix!

God, I'd die laughing and then she'd REALLY be sick.

I hope you're ok.

1:24 PM  
Blogger hemlock said...

Popping of the cervix doesn't sound like a good time. Even a pap gives me cramps!!!

Take care.

PS - found you through your comment at Dooce.

3:34 PM  

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