Tuesday Afternoon Outing

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of making my third trip to the gynecologist (or as Amy likes to say, "the down-there doctor," as she points vaguely towards the lower half of her body) this year. This year has been the Year of the Abnormal Pap. And, yes, it has been as fun as it sounds.

Yesterday they did a colposcopy. Now, if you go to the posted link and read through the article, you will notice it says they may do a biopsy if some of the cells seem irregular. Somehow, I seemed to have blocked that out. Biopsy? Who, me? No, no.. they are just going to look at the cells. No big deal!

So, the doctor is "down there" looking through a gigantic microscope. She calmly informs me that I will need to stop flinching, because it looks rather like an earthquake when I do. "You wouldn't want me to get motion sickness down here, would you?" she quips. Uh, look lady, all due respect but I don't want you down there at all! And if you don't stop being so chipper, I am libel to kick you in the head.

Then she says, "Okay, honey, for me to really see what is going on, I am going to have to pop your cervix up a bit."

I am SORRY??? You are going to do what? Pop my cervix up. Uh huh. Sounds lovely. Will you buy me dinner afterward? By the way, the popping of the cervix... doesn't feel so hot.

As if the giant microscope and the popping cervix weren't enough for one day, she informed me that she couldn't really tell if the cells were abnormal at all. So, yeah, the biopsy I blocked out of my mind. Uh huh.

"Alright," she says, "you are just going to feel a little prick on your cervix."

I will leave you with that folks. A little prick on your cervix. Who could ask for more on a Tuesday afternoon?